Brocabulary: Talk like a Bro
Here is the Brotivation bro dictionary, so you can brush up on your Brocabulary.
Unfortunately, none of us are motivated enough to keep these in alphabetical order… Here they are anyways.
- brotivation:1. (n) The coolest damn collection of bro related things that a group of bros could compile on he internet.
2. (n) Any item to be found on the collection thereof (see def. 1) that furthers brotherhood and the brodom (see below) of any man.
3. (n) The feeling of motivation or the desire to be more bro-like that results from visiting brotivation (1) and viewing, posting, or curating it’s material, or from receiving brotivation (2) from another bro in a different form.
- nag: 1. (n): A bro who can’t be impressed, even by Kate Upton.
- to do “the D.I.P.”: 1. (v) to leave a gathering in a particularly queer or awkward way. (See “Jersey and Staten Island”) NOTE: No bro should ever do this, or refer to it unless he is calling out a bro for committing the sin of doing the DIP.
- Jersey and Staten Island: 1. (n, pl) the generic name for dumb bitches hailing from either of these places, or for dumb bitches who act like, wish they were from, or look like they should be from there.
- Brotacular: 1. (adj) When a bro does something so amazing that calling it spectacular would be an insult to his being. (“Bro, did you see Jason kick that chick’s tits and proceed to make-out with her?” “Yea, that was brotacular!”)
- The Brone Call (to be changed): 1. (n) When a bro is feeling down, and he wants to go to town, he does The Brone Call. Upon hearing this call (which is phonetically impossible to describe), all fellow bros instantly become wing-men and assemble in the form of a flying-v to help the bro soar toward victory.
- Gold Armor: 1. (n) You might be thinking “Gilded?” Wrong. Gold armor is worn only by the elitist of the elite of bros. It is worn at all times by a bro who is feeling invulnerable. In this armor, he can walk up to a chick and stick his tongue halfway down her trachea without question.
- hmm: 1. (n) the sound a bro should make to alert his fellow bros of a babe in his line of sight. It should be accompanied by appropriate facial expressions, body language, and gestures to indicate the direction and magnitude of the babe. If your bro misses your hmm or the babe you hmmed to, refer to the Year Scale for proper description of her form.
- The Year Scale (see “that’s a Kate”): 1. (n) The single greatest way to rate a girl for bros. The Year Scale is all encompassing, and leaves only the most specific details to the imagination. For a full description of the Year Scale, see “The Year Scale: A Bro’s Guide”
- Browling: 1. (n) Similar to bowling, this is a game in which a bro attempts to knock up, rather than knock down, ten objects. In bowling, these objects are called “pins.” In browling, these objects are called “women.” If a bro knocks up ten women in one month, he gets a strike. If he knocks up zero, it’s considered a gutter ball, etc. At the end of the year, scores are totaled. Legends will be told of the first bro to browl a 360.
- Bro-Down: 1. (n) Any event, party or gathering where there are multiple bros throwing down
- Do-dad: 1. (n) A key component to any disclaimer. Unfortunately, even if your disclaimer includes all the right do-dads, Facebook just kinda gets to run a train on on everyone ever.
- Gronking (To Gronk): 1. (v) The act of spiking something into the ground, either for no reason or in celebration, after yelling “GRONK!!!”. Any bro who yells Gronk must spike something regardless of location or circumstance; even if there’s nothing around but another bro or your last beer (but a real bro never has to spike a drink, am I right?). Any bro caught violating the rules of Gronking well from then on only be referred to as Pussy (worse even then Nag).
- Brocrasturbation: 1. (n) When a bro procrasterbates. See urban dictionary fools.
- Bifocal Effect: 1. (n) When a girl is attractive from afar, but suddenly becomes unattractive up close (Also known as HFFA…Hot From Far Away)